Feel So Close
by XRaindropsX
Summary: AU. Never. Not in a million years did anyone ever think something like this would happen to Finn and Rachel Hudson. But it did. And now they were trying to put the pieces back together.
1. Happy Family

Please let me know if you think I should continue this or not!

Summary: Never. Not in a million years did anyone ever think something like this would happen to Finn and Rachel Hudson. But it did. And now they were trying to put the pieces back together.

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**Chapter 1 Happy Family**

She still couldn't believe it. At the beginning of high school, Rachel Berry had been the loser, the freak. No friends, no social status, no one to talk to. She was all alone in a sea full of people. She was more talented than any of them, and yet, she couldn't seem to have anything go her way. Everyone hated her, and she could hardly blame them for it. She was a bit high maintenance and more than a little selfish.

But that had all changed. Winning Nationals her senior year had been the turning point. The point where she realized that people did recognize her as more than a loser. She was a star. She had friends; friends she would do anything for. She had even skipped sectionals because of the whole student president fiasco she couldn't believe she had orchestrated. She was dating the most popular and handsome guy in the whole school. The Cheerios cheered for her, accepted her. The most popular girl in school actually called her a friend, and all of the Glee members were her best friends.

She had gotten into NYADA and had done very well for herself on Broadway. Finn had served for six years before coming back to marry her finally and conceiving their first child: Michael. Finn got a job at a local company to help support the family while Rachel continued to do shows on Broadway for a few more years before they found out they were expecting again: Bryan.

Finn worked his way up the corporate latter, finding he was a lot smarter in the field than he ever gave himself credit for. He was Vice President of his division, making good money for as few hours as he could get away with so he could be home and be with his two wonderful boys. Rachel slowed down on the amount of shows she performed in, but she could never give up Broadway.

Not completely.

Rachel smiled now as she watched Bryan, now 5, tackle Finn to the ground as Michael, now 7, jumped on him from the side. Heading down the steps, she decided it would be fun to join them. Running quickly up behind Bryan, she grabbed him from around the middle and pulled him up and off Finn.

"I got you!" she cried, tickling Bryan's sides, giggling.

"Mommy!" he cried out, laughing and squealing.

Then, they all piled up on top of Rachel, all laughing and smiling and enjoying every moment of the day. The sun was warm on their skin, the grass tickling their legs and arms as they rolled around in it. Birds sung the sweet soundtrack in the background as Mufasa, their golden retriever, decided to run out of the house just then, barking, wanting to join in on the fun.

The boys laughed as the dog ran up to them, licking their faces. Finn rolled off to the side, laying on his back and closed his eyes, enjoying listening to the melodic sound that was his daughters' laughter. Rachel lay down beside him, leaning her head in the crook of his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him, kissing her on her forehead.

The boys were preoccupied with the dog now. She tilted her head so she could look up and into his eyes. "I love you, Finn," she told him.

She remember that when Finn had sent her off to NYADA, he had said that if they were meant to be, they would find each other and be together. How true he was. They were the perfect couple. Everyone told them that, and it was good to hear. Rachel smiled into Finn's chest. She was glad they hadn't gotten married right out of high school. She'd been given the opportunity to grow up, mature, become the woman Finn deserved.

Finn had done some growing up, too. The military had taught him much about family, honor, pride. He kept that with him, all that he had learned. It didn't harden him like it did to some soldiers. It just made him stronger, more durable, more reliable.

Pushing to her feet, Rachel helped Finn to his. "Who wants some dinner?" she asked, pulled Finn behind her towards the house where the salad was ready and waiting for them on the table already.

"Me!" the boys cried out, racing each other to the house.

Smiling, Rachel and Finn walked hand in hand to the house, as in love with each other as the days back in high school.

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~.~.~.~.~.~

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"Mommy, do you have to go?" she asked her, her pleading, brown eyes were wet with tears she refused to shed.

"Jocelyn, it'll only be for two nights. You love staying with Grandma Judy, right?" she reminded her.

"She makes me read from the Bible every night before I go to bed after we pray for ten minutes. I only like it when I pray with you. You read me the Bible the right way. She doesn't do it right," she told her matter-of-factly.

"Well, how about I talk to her about it? See if maybe she can change it so you have more fun with it? How's that sound?" she tried to reassure her.

Quinn was going on a business trip for a couple days in Washington and was going to be leaving her daughter, Jocelyn, with her mother, who flew all the way to Pacific Grove, California for the week to help out with Joce.

She pouted a bit, but she always did whenever Quinn needed to leaver her some place for very long. She'd forget that Quinn had left after a few hours and let go and have fun with Grandma Judy, Quinn was sure.

A knock on the door made Quinn look up. "I bet that's her," she smiled at her daughter. "You want to go let her in?" she asked.

Nodding, Jocelyn's curls spilled over her shoulder. Getting up, she quickly ran to the door to let in Grandma Judy. Joce had long since stopped asking where her Grandpa was o why she only had one grandma and not two like so many other kids her age.

Her mama always had the same explanation. She'd pull Jocelyn real close and hug her tight. "Grandma Judy's love for you is so great that she didn't want to share you with anyone else. She wanted you all to herself. And that's okay. Sometimes, it's okay to be selfish." Jocelyn remembered nodding her head in understanding, thinking Mommy had all the answers.

"Ok, kiddo, I have got to go. Be good, okay?" Quinn pulled her suitcase to the front hall and set the luggage down next to the door so she could pull Jocelyn in for a big hug. "I love you more than anything in the world. Remember that." She kissed her daughter on the head.

"I love you, too, Mommy," Joce replied, hugging her mother tighter than before. She had a bad feeling about her mother leaving, but no one would listen to her when she asked her to stay home.

Pulling back, Quinn stood up, grabbed her luggage and went out the door with a small wave goodbye. The door clicked behind her, and if Jocelyn had know that'd be the last time seeing her, she would have ran after her and hugged her so tightly and never let go. Maybe then she'd stay.

Quinn boarded the plane, quickly grabbing her seat. She saw that the passenger next to her seemed to be a young woman about her age. Good. She rarely got that lucky. With a smile, she scooted over to the window seat to really take in the sights as they took off. Watching the plane take off and seeing the buildings get smaller was her favorite part.

It didn't take long to get in the air and the ride smoothed out and got a lot less bumpy. They were in the air for maybe ten minutes, and it didn't take long for Quinn to start talking to the young woman about where they were going. The woman was also going to Washington for a seminar. Suddenly the captain came over the intercom and told them they'd have to do an emergency landing.

Widespread panic shot throughout the plane, all trying to make glances out the windows to see if they could find what the problem was. Quinn turned in her seat to look behind her to see how full the plane was. There were a lot of people on here. Too many to have all die in such a tragic way. This only ever happen in movies or in those books she read. The captain would be able to straighten them out in no time.

But that didn't happen. The plane was dipping dramatically. In fact, it felt like they were nearly vertical now. Her heart was beating harder and faster than it ever had before. They'd be able to land the plane safely. They were trained to do so in these circumstances. Right? Right. She reassured herself. She kept her head facing forward so she could only look ahead of her. She couldn't bear to look out the window as they lost altitude. The woman beside her was sobbing quietly to herself, but Quinn didn't move.

Finally, she couldn't keep herself from taking a glance out of the window. The water below was rushing up rather quickly. They'd have nowhere to go but under the water, soon. And soon came a lot quicker than she anticipated.

The force of the impact sent her flying out of her seat. The seat belt unable to keep her seated any longer. She hadn't clasped it very firmly in her haste. She hit the seats in front of her before coming to rest near the front of the plane. As the water rushed through the plane and filled ever crevice, she wondered what would happen to her poor girl. Jocelyn. How much she would miss her. Dear God, please help her find the right home.

Quinn knew she wasn't going to survive this. Not from drowning. The realization hit her hard. But, there was no time question it. She was shoved under the water in no time at all, fading to the black, letting the darkness take over.

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**To continue or not to continue? That is the question.**


	2. Tears

Now that we're advancing in the story a bit more: Please let me know if you think I should continue this or not!

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**Chapter 2 Tears**

Jocelyn stood on the back porch, her blonde hair blowing in the wind. Her brown eyes clouded in worry as she looked out over the ocean that was practically in their back yard. As Judy walked into the kitchen, she found her granddaughter staring out in the distance making her seem much older than her eight years. She was a lot brighter than most other kids her age. There was something special about her, Judy knew God had a plan for this child.

Her daughter, Quinn, had been through so much in her life. First, teen pregnancy with Beth, her estrangement from the family, the accident. Yale had been the best thing for her. But, she got pregnant in her first year there. She didn't like to talk about it much, but Judy had a feeling it happened on her Spring Break when she had went to California for the first time with some friends.

Judy, unwilling to let her child drop out of college, moved down to Connecticut to help out and raise Jocelyn so Quinn could focus on her studies. Being a single mom and attending college full time wasn't easy, but she did it. After graduating with honors, Quinn took Jocelyn, picked up everything and moved to California to live after she was offered a high paying position at a company. The job allowed her to be home on weekends and nights so she could spend more time with Jocelyn; Judy moved back home to Ohio, unwilling to go that far away, too scared to go that far away from the familiar path she walked. Quinn was like super woman to Judy.

Sometimes, though, Judy missed her husband. He'd be so proud of all that Quinn had overcome if only he'd quit being so stubborn and open his eyes to the wonder that was Jocelyn. She was funny, smart, talented, a true joy. She was polite, respectful.

Smiling, Judy stepped out on the deck to stand next to Jocelyn. "The sunset's pretty, isn't it?" she commented. The different hues of red, orange, yellow, and blue splashed along the horizon like paint on a never ending canvas.

Jocelyn turned to give a weak smile towards her grandma. "Mommy and I like to sit out in the sand and watch the sunset. She said it was our special time. A time when we could be at peace with the world. Peace is good, you know."

Judy chuckled. "You're right on that."

The doorbell rang just then, and Jocelyn ran to the door, hoping it was her mommy. Though, if it truly was, the doorbell wouldn't have rung. Quinn would have just come in. Quinn was due to come home any time now. She hadn't called since before she left, which was unusual for her, but Judy blew it off as just being to busy and tired to do it.

Following Jocelyn into the house, she found it was Noah Puckerman, the boy who had knocked up Quinn the first time. Noah liked to visit Quinn and he helped her out a lot if she went on business trips. He lived in San Francisco, which was about a two hour drive. He was a good friend to Quinn. His pool cleaning business had really paid off, and he was doing very well for himself, which surprised Judy the most. He hadn't been the brightest teenager in the group back in high school. She hadn't been real fond of the idea of him and Quinn being so close when she had first moved down to Pacific Grove, but after a few visits and seeing how good he was with Jocelyn, she could hardly hate him.

Her heart was beating rather quickly. Quinn's plane was supposed to have arrived in San Francisco, and Noah was supposed to give her a ride home. So, where was Quinn? Why wasn't she with him now? Was she still in the car, getting her luggage? But, why hadn't Noah helped carry anything? Why had come empty handed?

His face was grim, set. Jocelyn picked up right away that something was wrong. "Uncle Noah, why do you look so sad? What happened?"

He looked down at her, dropping to one knee so he was at her level. "Why don't you go finish watching the sunset? It's almost completely set."

She cocked her head to one side as though she wanted to question him. But, as if she sensed he wanted to be alone with Judy, she nodded before walking solemnly out the patio door and went to chairs on the deck to watch the sky, though the sun was nearly disappearing behind the horizon.

Judy took a step forward as Puck stood up again. "Noah, where's Quinn?" she asked, skipping straight to the reason he was here. There was no time for formalities and idle chit chat at the moment.

His eyes were wet, and there was a lump in his throat that made speaking rather difficult. How was he supposed to get the words out? How was he supposed to ruin the happiness Quinn had built here? "Quinn, uh," his voice was shaking, refusing to cooperate. "The plane she was supposed to fly out in… it crashed into a field." There. The words were out. But, that didn't stop the tears.

Judy shook her head. "No. Quinn missed the flight. She can't have been on there. No. She's just stranded somewhere trying to get home." The hysterics weren't far behind now. Denial was clouding her every being. But, there was a part of her heart that knew what Noah was saying. Knew he was right. He wouldn't lie about this.

"Judy, haven't you seen the news?" he asked seriously. She shook her head. She didn't like to watch TV a whole lot, and when she did, the news wasn't her priority. "It's been all over the news for the past two days. It took them a long time to get the victim's names out to the families. But, I was listed as her emergency contact, and that's why you weren't notified." Of course Noah was the emergency contact. He was the closest. She'd never be able to get to California in time in case there was a real emergency.

She shook her head again. "She can't be gone. Can't be dead." She dropped to her knees when they would no longer hold her upright. Her head fell to her hands and she sobbed heavily. "No no no," she kept repeating those words over and over again. But, that didn't make it any less true.

Puck, unsure of how to comfort the grieving woman, knelt down next to her, rubbing her shoulders. He was still processing what he knew. The phone call had been nothing but earth shattering for him. He had been dating Quinn for awhile now, and he was just considering asking her marry him. He had waited too long.

"Is Mommy hurt?" Jocelyn's voice cut into the room like a knife, bringing a whole new flood of tears into Judy. How could God have done this to her? Jocelyn was only eight. Quinn had barely begun to live. Her life had so many tragedies. Why did God have to add to the list?

Puck's head shot up and he motioned for the girl to come into his arms for a hug. "Your mama's in a very special place right now," he told her. "She's up in heaven. She told you about heaven, right?" When Jocelyn nodded, he continued, "She's in a happy place. Watching over you."

"She's coming back, though, right?" her brown eyes were big and round, staring up at Puck's patiently.

"No, Joce. She's not coming back." He wanted to tell her that everything would be fine. But how could he say that if he wasn't sure about that himself? He couldn't lie to her. She deserved the truth. "She's dead." The finality of the words hit Judy harder than anything he'd said thus far, and she wailed, unable to hold back in front of the little girl.

Jocelyn, scared and uncertain, began to cry. Her mommy couldn't be dead. Couldn't be gone never to come back. She promised she'd be home to tuck her in tonight. She promised. And, mommy never broke her promise. Never.

Puck held Jocelyn tightly to him, stroking her hair with his hand. The three of them sat on the floor, crying and hugging, until exhaustion hit them. Judy took Jocelyn into her room and laid with her, cuddling real close. Neither wanted to be alone that night. Puck took the couch. But, no one slept that night. No one slept for a good many nights thereafter.

Puck knew he had to call Quinn's lawyers and get things squared away. Jocelyn would have to be put up for adoption if he or Judy didn't take her. And Puck wasn't so stupid as to know that older kids had a harder time trying to find a loving family. Everyone wanted younger kids. Judy was too old to take care of Jocelyn, although, if worse came to worse, she'd take her before letting her become a ward to the state. Puck would take her, keep her safe. It wouldn't be ideal, but it was better than losing her forever.

Jocelyn was just like a daughter to him. He'd been with her since she was three, when he'd gotten in touch with Quinn again. In the beginning, he came about once a week to Pacific Grove, staying in the guest bedroom. As the years went on, he came more often. Every other weekend to nearly every weekend. He was considering moving down here permanently. His pool cleaning business was slowing down, and he figured he could get a job down at the docks.

Why did time always seem to be the problem? Everyone always said time healed all. But, there was never enough time. It was elusive. Sighing, he thought back to the good old days to when Quinn and him had been together in high school and all the friends he'd made. He'd have to call all of them to let them know what happened. But, how did he think he was going to be able to break the news to them? It wouldn't be easy for anyone. They were all so scattered now. But, maybe this could bring them together again.

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"Daddy!" Bryan yelled from inside the house. "Phone for you!" he called out, holding up Finn's cellphone, which Finn had left on the kitchen countertop.

Getting up from his spot on the picnic blanket, he hurried up the porch steps and intercepted the phone from his son on the deck. "Go eat with Mom," he smiled at his son, who had only gone in the house to use the restroom. Bryan didn't need to be told twice, and he hurried down to sit with his brother and mother.

"Who was on the phone, sweetie?" Rachel asked him.

"Uncle Puck!" Bryan replied. "He sounded really sad, though." Bryan grabbed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and took a bite.

After the idle chit chat was out of the way, Puck dove right in. "Quinn's dead, Finn." The blow of what he just learned took away his breath. Quinn? His Quinn? The first girl he'd loved? The woman who left to go to Yale? Who had so much ahead of her? When had he seen her last? Probably eight years ago when he had been stationed in California. But, that was another matter all together. He talked to her every once and while when Rachel would hand off the phone to him during holidays or something, but they'd kept their distance since that day eight years ago.

"Her plane crash landed in the Pacific Ocean on its way up to Washington to a business conference or something she had. But, Finn, that's not even the worst part," Puck told him. Finn shook his head. What could possibly be worse than that? "She had a daughter. A little girl who's been left behind without a mother."

Finn would have fainted right then and there. Sure he and Quinn weren't on the most normal of terms, but surely she would have brought up the fact that she had a kid. That was a little hard to hide. Something not many people would make an effort to keep secret. "How old is she?" he asked. It was the only coherent thought he was able to speak.

"She just turned eight," Puck replied.

Eight? When he had met up with her eight years ago, he was sure she hadn't been pregnant. But, maybe it had been the early stages where no one could tell. But, what if… No, he wouldn't think like that. He couldn't think like that.

"There's more, Finn," Puck took a deep breath, and suddenly Finn wasn't so sure he wanted to find out the more.

Rachel wondered what the news could be. But, she focused her attention on the boys, not wanting them to be worried about good old Uncle Puck. Michael was petting Mufasa on the head and Bryan was reaching for a treat to give the retriever. "Don't give him too many, Bryan. You don't want to spoil him too much."

"Yes, mama," Bryan nodded and took a smaller portion out of the bag.

Rachel looked up and over the boys' heads to where Finn was standing. She could see him in the kitchen now, pacing back in forth. He looked so sad, too. What was going on. He closed the phone and just stared at it. His head slumped over. He looked up finally and caught Rachel's eyes. He motioned with his head for him to come in. He was going to tell her the news, finally.

"I'll be right back, you boys finish eating," she told them before hurrying into the house. "Finn, what's going on? What did Noah have to say?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, just stared at the ground. Finally, he looked up and into her eyes. "We need to talk."

The words shook her very core. What could have Finn behaving like this? What would make him look so confused, hurt, defeated all at the same time? A part of her was too afraid to find out.

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Continue?

Next chapter you'll find out a bit more about what's going on. Though, it was implied a bit in this one.

Did you guys like it? Should I continue?


	3. Broken

Wow, been awhile, huh? I'm feeling a lot of inspiration right now since I just had a Glee marathon this weekend. So, if you want me to continue this, let me know!

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**Chapter 3: Broken**

"We need to talk."  
Why was it those four little words shot a pang of fear through her entire being, into her very soul? How could four little words be so powerful? Was it the fear of the unknown, not knowing what it was he wanted to talk about? Was it the anticipation she hated? Or the feeling that something wasn't quite right with her husband? Something had shook him to his very core.

Now, she wanted more than ever to know what devastating news Noah Puckerman could have told Finn to have him behaving this way. Rachel had never seen her husband act this way. He was always so tall and proud, not small and dejected. Nothing kept him down for very long. He'd bounce back from this. Whatever it was, she'd be there for him, to support him. Forever and for always. That's what they told each other every night since their wedding.

"Rachel, when was the last time you spoke to Quinn?" he asked quietly, looking off into the distance, just passed her shoulder. He seemed to have a hard time focusing his eyes on one thing, especially on her.

She frowned, confused as to why that had to do with the phone call, but she thought back for a moment before answering. "I think early last week some time. It was Monday. I remember because I was telling her we were thinking about taking the boys to that basketball camp that next afternoon. We had talked about meeting up some time soon since we hadn't seen her in a few years. Why? Finn, what does that have to do with anything?" She tilted her head to the side, worry written all over her face.

Her words broke Finn's heart. The reason Quinn had kept her distance was all his fault. Because of him, he had caused his wife and one of her best friends from seeing each other as often as either would like. It was no wonder every Christmas, Quinn made up some excuse about being busy with work or how her mother was just going to come out and see her. Everything was coming together and making sense. But, that just made the situation that much more difficult to bear. Why had he never packed up the kids and Rachel and just surprised her?

"Quinn….. She…." He had to stop and collect himself for fear of falling apart completely. "She had a meeting in Washington or something." Finn now looked into Rachel's deeply concerned, brown eyes. "You know that plane crash we saw on the news a couple days ago?" he finally just asked, wondering if his wife would be able to connect the dots on her own without making him say the awful words out loud. He didn't think he'd have it in him to do it. Not without breaking.

Rachel shook her head. "You can't mean that she…. That the plane she was on…" Her hands flew to her mouth and she tried not to cry. "She's gone?" Rachel closed her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek.

Finn reached for her, pulled her close, and kissed the top of her head. "Yes. That was Puck. And he just called to tell us that she had a little girl. An 8 year old girl."

Rachel looked up at him. "What? No she doesn't."

Finn nodded, "I didn't know about her either, but Puck's been helping her take care of the kid for the past 7 years. She's real."

"Who's her father?" Rachel demanded. "Why would Quinn hide something like that from us? We talk a couple times a month. I talked all about Michael and Bryan. Yet, she never mentioned her own daughter. What's going to happen to her?"

"Puck won't say who the father is," Finn hated lying to her. But, he wasn't ready to tell her the truth. Not yet. He couldn't tear his family apart because of this. "Quinn had left a will. And she wanted us to take her daughter."

Rachel nodded, "Yes, of course, we'll do it. Do you know her name?"

Finn was touched at Rachel's kindness. He was always blown away by her. Every time he thought he understood how big her heart was, she took him by surprise. If she only knew the truth about the little girl. Would she want to take her in then? Rachel had a big heart, but he doubted it was that big. It hurt him to think that Rachel only thought Quinn wanted them to take in her daughter because of how close the two had been. It wasn't because of their closeness that Quinn chose them; it was because of him.

"It's Jocelyn. Jocelyn Mae. I already told Puck to get her on the next plane to Ohio and bring her here. I hope you understand," Finn replied.  
Rachel let out a deep breath, the tears threatening to fall down her face. She reached for Finn's embrace, hugging him tightly, her head buried into his chest. In his arms, she felt the safest. Finn would never do anything to hurt her. The trust she put in him was overwhelming. She felt he could do no wrong. But, how much would her world shatter if only she knew the truth.

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Puck, holding Jocelyn's hand, was looking for a familiar face as they got off the plane. So many people were running around, trying not to be late. It was all for naught. None of them could stop fate. God had His plan for all of them. No amount of speeding would change what He wanted to happen. Why couldn't everyone see that that they should slow down and experience life a bit more. They were all going to die, and so many people never actually got to enjoy it.

Turning his head, he finally saw a familiar face poking out of the crowd. Finn always was a foot taller than everyone else, making them all feel like hobbits or something. Puck's grip tightened around Jocelyn's small hand as he steered her towards Finn and his family. As they got closer and weaved their way through the crowd, Puck saw that Finn was alone, which was strange considering Puck thought Finchel was inseparable.

Finn pulled Puck into a embrace once Puck got close enough. He returned the hug enthusiastically, he needed someone to lean on. Puck felt just as alone as everyone else. Quinn had been his for seven years. Only his. He was the one she went to for advice. She had helped mold him into a better man, a better person. He had hoped the two of them would be able to start a family together someday. But, that had all been pulled out from under him. Just like back in High School. Finn got everything Puck ever wanted.

"You must be Jocelyn," Finn pulled away from Puck and crouched down to Jocelyn's level. "Puck's told me all about you. He said you love dolphins." From his pocket, Finn pulled out a small dolphin beanie baby.

Jocelyn took the stuffed animal from Finn, a forced smile on her face, "Thank you," she hugged it tightly to her body, resting her chin on its head. No stuffed animal could make her mommy come back to her. Nothing could make her stop wanting to cry every time she thought of her mommy or saw an airplane. But, maybe these people could make her feel a tiny bit better.

"Judy didn't come back with you guys?" Finn asked looking behind the two of them before standing up and looking Puck in the eye.  
Puck shook his head. "She decided to stay back and start going through Quinn's stuff. She's hoping to get done this weekend in time for the funeral. The funeral is going to be next week. She's been cremated." Puck was looking out in the distance. He had to distance himself from his emotions before he started bawling like a baby again. He couldn't let Finn see him in that state. He had some pride to uphold.

"Well, let's get going back to the house. Rach has gone all out with the food for supper tonight. She cooks when she's upset. Calms her down," Finn turned and led them to his truck in the parking lot. He opened the back, passenger door and let Puck buckle Jocelyn in before he shut the door and headed to the driver's seat. "Jocelyn, I have two boys close to your age that are looking forward to meeting you."

Smiling faintly, Jocelyn turned her attention to the scenery outside the windows. Finn sighed as he waited for Puck to get in before he started the truck and backed out of the parking spot and made his way home. He kept looking back at the child in his back seat looking for any of her features he could call his. She had Quinn's hair, her eyes, her high cheekbones. He knew Jocelyn would be small in her stature like her mother. Her nose and lips resembled his more than Quinn's, however.

"Have you told Rachel, yet?" Puck asked, breaking the silence. He turned his head to meet his friend's gaze.

Finn shook his head. "No." He let out a deep breath. "I don't know how I'm just supposed to dump something like this on her. It was an accident. It was never meant to happen. A one time thing. I never meant for this to happen, for Quinn to have gone through everything alone, for me to have missed out on everything."

"You don't think she's going to look at her and think something's up. Why does she think Quinn chose you guys to be her mother?" Puck asked, agitated.

Finn sighed heavily. "I know. I know. But, I just don't know what to do about it. How to tell her and keep her from leaving me. I love her, Puck."

Puck sighed. He reached into his backpack he had placed on the floor. He pulled out an envelope, Rachel's named written on the front. "Quinn knew she'd have to tell Rachel about everything one way or the other, and in her will, she had a letter addressed to Rachel. I haven't opened it, but I'm guessing it's her way of explaining everything to her. You can let the letter tell her or you can do it."

Finn shook his head, "She's got to hear it from me. Not some letter. I can use the letter after I tell her and hope Quinn's got some words of wisdom in there. I just don't know if I have the balls to tell Rach. This will break her heart. We've been through enough."

"Quinn's been through worse. You owe her this if nothing else," Puck replied, looking straight ahead. "Oh, and she had an envelope addressed to you, too."

"She did? What's it say?"

Puck shrugged, "I didn't open it. None of my business. I got my own letter to read."

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_Someone once said, "I smile when I look back at the troubles that have strengthened me. What seems to be insurmountable struggles then are now beautiful ornaments illuminating my soul." How true this is. And Puck, I hope you can teach this to Jocelyn. Teach her to look back on every bad thing and understand it just made her a better person. She is better for having gone through the obstacles. I want her to know you can't change your past, but you can let go and start your future. _

***

How many phone calls had she received in the past two days giving her condolences or wanting to talk about the past, to reminisce? Fifteen. How many times did she have to pretend she was alright when her boys looked at her, expecting her to be able to hold herself together and do all the motherly duties she was supposed to be doing? Thirty one. How many times had she cried in the last two days? Too many times to count. Every little thing set her off. A radio commercial, a Lifetime movie, a kids show, the sound of an airplane passing by overhead, even looking at her two boys and thinking that Quinn would never get to look at her own child again set her off.

Hovering over the stove, Rachel held back the tears that threatened to fall. She felt so stupid. How could, over the span of eight years, Quinn not feel like she could confide in her? Rachel had thought they were friends. Best friends even. Rachel had told her everything. And Rachel had though Quinn told her everything, too. Quinn had talked about work problems, boy problems, Puck problems, how lonely she sometimes felt, how sometimes she felt like she should have walked down a different path, done some things over. Why did she leave out the fact that she had had a daughter? Had she felt ashamed?

If she felt ashamed, how could she not think Rachel would understand and still be supportive? How could she not trust Rachel enough? Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Rachel sniffled as she stirred the pot. "Bryan, Michael, come set the table!" She hollered into the living room where her boys were watching TV.

They quickly got up and did as they were told. They weren't normally this obedient, but they knew something was wrong and didn't want to set off their mother. They had seen her cry enough lately and didn't want the waterworks to start again. Their father was just as edgy, so they chose to stay in their rooms or play room more than being in the living room like usual.

The boys didn't really understand what was going on as they had never really met their Aunt Quinn, just seen her in skype for a couple minutes or talked to her on the phone. They just knew their mommy hadn't talked to Aunt Quinn in awhile, and that must be what is making their mommy so sad. However, they knew someone was coming to visit, and their were anticipating the new arrival greatly.

Michael recognized the sound of their father's diesel truck pulling into the driveway, and the two boys scrambled to get the table set. Rachel flipped everything on low heat and went out with the boys to welcome the new arrivals. As she opened the door and stepped onto the front porch, the boys shot past her legs and rushed down the front steps to Finn, hugging his legs. Following behind them, Rachel stopped at the passenger side. Puck was out and working on unbuckling the young girl from her seat in the back.

As Jocelyn was lifted out of the truck and set onto the driveway, the truck door slammed shut and Rachel let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. Jocelyn was the spitting image of Quinn. There was something else that was familiar about her face, but Rachel couldn't quite put her finger on what.

Finn came up behind her, slipping an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze of encouragement. "This is Jocelyn."

Rachel stepped forward, crouching down to Jocelyn's height. "Hi, Jocelyn, I'm Rachel." Jocelyn smiled at her shyly. "This is Bryan and Michael. Would you like them to show you your room and all the toys you get to play with?" Rachel asked sweetly.

Jocelyn nodded her head, "Yes, please."

Rachel stood up and stepped to the side, letting her boys take over. Michael took charge, stepping forward and taking Jocelyn's hand. "Come on, we've got the best legos you've ever seen," he bragged as he pulled her along after him.

Rachel watched the kids disappear into the house before she turned to Puck and pulled him into her arms, hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Puck." She knew how close he and Quinn were. Puck looked into Rachel's eyes. She was so innocent still. She had no clue the trouble she'd be going through as soon as she found out the truth.

_If you keep looking for that happy ending, you are never going to get it right._

Puck realized then how right Quinn had been.

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Continue?  
Hope you guys liked it! Let me know!


	4. Nightmares

Ok, so I wanted to get this up fairly quickly because people were complaining saying they'd quit reading if Finn cheated on Rachel. Well, they weren't together when it happened, so no cheating on anyone's part. Let me know if you all like the direction this went. I need feedback to continue this. Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 4: Nightmares

**8 years ago**  
_"What are you doing here, Finn? I thought you went to New York to be with Rachel?" Quinn asked upon opening the door to her condo on the beach that she had rented over Spring Break. Like a little gift to herself for a year almost done. She didn't let him in, not yet. She took in Finn's military uniform and wondered just what he was planning. "And now you've joined the military? Not sure how this is supposed to fit into your plans of hooking up with the woman of your dreams."_

_"I did go to New York, but I saw her with another guy," Finn looked so dejected. Quinn opened the door wider, letting him come over the threshold. She closed the door and led him into the kitchen. "Do you want some lemonade?" she asked as she headed to the fridge, grabbing the pitcher from the top shelf. She reached above her head, opening the cabinet and taking down a glass, waiting for his answer before she shut the door. "It's got rum in it."_

_"Ya, that would be great," he nodded with a weak smile. _

_So, she grabbed another glass and poured the remaining lemonade and rum into the two glasses before dumping the pitcher into the sink. She picked up the glasses and led Finn onto the back porch where she had a killer view of the sunset over the ocean. Finn trudged along behind her. "I'm still not sure why you came here," she said, breaking the silence as she sat down on the porch swing._

_Finn shrugged as he sat beside her, accepting the glass of lemonade, tasting it before he answered her. "I'm stationed in town. Had a free day today. I just wanted to see a friendly face." His gaze stayed frozen on the ocean. Quinn could see he was hurting inside, but she wasn't sure how she was supposed to make that go away._

_"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked finally._

_He didn't say anything for the longest time, and Quinn assumed he wasn't ever going to say anything. "His name is Brody. The guy she's been seeing. I didn't expect her to move on so soon. Or for this to hurt so much."_

_"Did you go talk to her?" Quinn asked gently._

_Finn shook his head, "I sent her to New York of my own free will. What right do I have to come in and mess up what she's made of her life? She deserves better than me. I broke her heart first. Kurt told me everything about the new guy. They seem to be pretty close. Who am I to ruin her happiness again? I've done it enough."_

_Quinn took a deep breath. The three of them had been tangled in too many webs for her to be comfortable. To think that Quinn had hated Rachel in the beginning, making her life a living hell every day. No one thought they'd ever get close. No one. Not even each other. But, sometimes life has other plans for you. Something to bring them together. And the common thread was Finn. And Glee, Quinn supposed, looking back._

_Rachel was a good friend to Quinn, always had been, even when Quinn never gave Rachel a reason to be nice to her. Rachel was the only one that had understood any of the crap Quinn had ever gone through. Maybe not completely, but enough to be able to be supportive and help her through all the turmoil. Enough to make Quinn call Rachel a friend. Maybe even a close friend. The two talked on the phone a few times every month to catch up._  
_Rachel lived such a grand life in New York with NYADA and her showcases she'd win. She was making something of herself. Already, as a freshman. And what was Quinn accomplishing? Well, she was on the Dean's list. And that counted for something, right? She had made a lot of friends and was a part of a few extracurricular activities. The boys came around a few times, but Quinn was enjoying being single right now. She didn't need a man to define her. She was independent. Confident. Assured. _

_Finn sighed, "Do you have anything stronger than this?" he asked, emptying the glass. He looked over at Quinn expectantly._

_Quinn nodded. "I've got some Vodka if you'd like some of that?" she stood up and headed into the kitchen without waiting for an answer. She grabbed the bottle off the shelf and opened it, handing Finn the bottle._

_He was about to pour himself a glass, but suddenly had a better idea. He drank right from the bottle. He set it back on the counter, pushing it towards Quinn. So, they were going to drink their problems away, huh? She could be up for that. _

_Before either of them knew what was what, the bottle was empty, and they were sitting on the back porch steps. The night air had a slight chill to it, and they were huddling together for warmth. Finn had vented and nearly cried about Rachel and the life he thought he'd never be able to have with her anymore. Quinn complained about how she wanted more out of life, to really matter, to help people. She wanted to be better than who she was in high school._

_"I know you were meant to do great things," Finn told her. "I always thought that." He still loved Quinn. Not in the same way he loved Rachel. He was in love with Rachel, but he cared about Quinn a lot. She was his first real love. One didn't ever really stop caring about their first. He never stopped wanting what was best for her. _

_"I appreciate that, Finn. I know you feel lost and unsure, but time will change that. It'll get better. If there's one thing in life I learned, it's that life doesn't always suck. There's a way out," she replied with a smile. "I know you'll get everything figured out." _

_She placed her hand on his knee to comfort him, but he took it as she was making a move on him, and he leaned in. His lips graced hers for a moment before he realized what he had done, and he froze, waiting for her to get mad. Only, the outburst never came. Instead, her hands and found their way to his hair, his neck, pulling him towards her. _

_It was the alcohol, Quinn knew. They both had had way too much to drink. Both were beyond vulnerable, having just spilled their guts to the other. They needed comfort. Comfort the other was willing to give. Quinn knew Finn would be gone in the morning, that this was a mistake she'd regret later. She knew Finn would probably be thinking of Rachel the whole time, but she wasn't thinking straight. She didn't care right now. She just wanted to be loved, if only for the next hour. She wanted to feel wanted._

_As they discarded their clothes, Finn wondered what Rachel was doing. Would he always think of her? When would it get easier? Could he let her go? He didn't think so, but he wondered if this was the first step. He'd go back to base tomorrow and hope that he could keep his mind on the important tasks at hand. Rachel had moved on. It was time he did, too._

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**Present Day**  
Finn awoke in a cold sweat. Staring up at the ceiling, he tried to calm himself down. It was just a dream brought on by the memories Quinn's death had given him. It didn't mean anything. It was a mistake. He never meant to hurt anyone. Hell, he never thought he'd be able to get back together with Rachel. But, he had. They had worked everything out. He had just never told Rachel about it because it wasn't important. She didn't talk about hooking up with Brody, and he didn't talk about hooking up with whom he did.

Now, he wished he had. It was harder now, bigger. The lie of omission made worse by his silence. He rolled over and looked at Rachel, who was breathing deeply with sleep. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He moved her hair out of her face so he could stare at her features more. Would she be able to understand that he never meant for any of this to happen, that he didn't say anything because he hadn't wanted to hurt her?

Suddenly, Rachel's eyes fluttered open. When she caught the look in his eyes, her smile faded. "Finn, is everything okay?" she asked, placing a hand on his cheek. She searched his eyes for the answers he wasn't willing to give.

He pulled her close to himself. "I'm fine."

He was turning into a liar.

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